Discovery
by Egwene
Summary: Series of Drabbles about Sirius and his relationship with James. Slash. How can a simple joke create so many problems?
1. The Joke

Title: The Joke, part 1 in the Discovery Series

Author: Egwene

Rating: PG

Pairing: Sirius and James, yes this is slash.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his relatives, friends, loves, professors, enemies…

This was supposed to be a long fic but it ended in a series of drabbles. Muses are as strange as they come. This is the first slash story I have actually posted, dedicated to Pomme who got me addicted ;-)

Word count: 224

Sirius groaned, he was lying on the couch in the common room, awake in the middle of the night and it was all Peter's fault. 

Well, not really, but it had to be someone's fault and if Peter hadn't said anything he would have been able to go to sleep. 

Sirius wondered if he'd better go back upstairs but he quickly dismissed the idea. As difficult to think as it was, it would be nearly impossible up there, with James in the next bed.  

Because in the end, being close to James was the core of the problem.  

It had only been a joke, and a bad one at that. 

James had been at Quidditch practice and Peter, Sirius and Remus had stayed in the dorm to study. 

After half an hour, Sirius had been bored and he had told his friend he was going to watch James on the field. 

That's when it had happened, Peter had made a casual remark about him not willing to stay apart form his boyfriend too long.  

Sirius had laughed and replied but he had not been able to dismiss the notion so easily. 

And at two in the morning the truth had finally sunk in, he was in love with his best friend and there was nothing he could or would do about it.  


	2. The Advice

Title : The Advice, part 2 in the Discovery Series

Author: Egwene

Rating: PG

Pairing: Sirius and James, yes this is slash.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his relatives, friends, loves, professors, enemies…

Word count: 210

"That's it Sirius, I've had enough! What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing, Moony. Nothing."

"C'mon, Sirius. I'm not stupid. You've been moody all week. Is it about your family?"

"No. Look, it's stupid, okay?" Sirius shifted on his bed as a very interesting stain on the carpet drew his attention. "It's about what Peter said last week."

"What?" 

"The bad joke about me and Prongs."

"So, you're still angry with Wormtail because he said you and Prongs were boyfriends?" Remus asked, disbelief written all over his face.

"No." Sirius replied softly.

"So, what is it?" Remus insisted.

Sirius remained silent. 

"Hum. You're worried because you think you're in love with James?"

"Yes." Sirius replied, still not looking at his friend.

"But, you're not."

"I'm not?"

"No, Sirius. You two are best friends, you're very close to each other. But I doubt very much that what you feel is love."

"But-"

"Are you attracted to him?"

"He is quite handsome, you have to admit."

"Do you have fantasies about him? Can you imagine being naked in a bed with him? Can you picture having sex with him?" Remus had decided that frankness was the best option.

"Hum. No. Not really."

"So, you see, you're not in love with James. You love him, but as a friend. Don't worry about it."

The two friends smiled at each other, the problem solved.


	3. Spring Blossom

Title : Spring Blossom, part 3 in the Discovery Series

Author: Egwene

Rating: PG

Pairing: Sirius and James, yes this is slash.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his relatives, friends, loves, professors, enemies…

Word count: 225

Sirius groaned, he was lying on the couch in the common room, awake in the middle of the night and it was all Peter's fault. 

Well, six months later, it was still Peter's fault no matter what, wasn't it?

After the conversation with Moony, Sirius had been able to forget about being in love with his best friend and all the concerns that go with that particular problem. Life had gone back to normal, well, at least to what's called normal when you're a teenager, a wizard and a marauder. 

Until that day. They were all together outside, lying on the grass near the lake, it was one of the first nice days of spring. It was almost warm but for a pleasant breeze. And James had never looked so beautiful.

Sirius had believed Remus and he had told him he was not in love with James. But that statement reposed only on the fact that he was supposedly not attracted to James. Now that he was, the problem had resurfaced. 

But, not matter how hard he tried, Sirius could not help but remember how he wanted to kiss those lips and caress that fine ass. He wanted nothing more than to run his fingers in that incredibly messy dark hair while passionately kissing his best friend. 

No, sleep would not come easily that night.


	4. The Search

Title: The Search, part 4 in the Discovery Series

Author: Egwene

Rating: PG

Pairing: Sirius and James, yes this is slash.

Genre: Angst

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his relatives, friends, lovers, professors, enemies…

Thanks to Dani Silver Moon, Luci Shadow and Harry's Lost Twin for their support. It's nice to know people are actually reading this ;-)

Word count: 211

&*&*&

"Sirius, the exams are next week, can't you at least pretend that you're studying?"

"Yes, Moony, of course. I'm good at that, am I not?"

"Sirius."

"Okay. Okay. Look, I'll just go outside for a moment so I won't pester you anymore."

Sirius left the common room where all the Gryffindors were studying hard for the end of term exams. He would not have been able to concentrate on his transfiguration book even if the Quidditch Cup had depended on it anyway. What he had learnt during the year would have to do for the exams. He planned to actually study for the NEWTs next year.

How could he focus when he had just discovered how very much in love he was with his best friend? How much he wanted to kiss him and hold him in his arms. He cared so much about James that it frightened him. He wanted to be the one that would make him happy. But could James see him in that light one day?

He had walked to the edge of the forest, lost in his thoughts, and he was contemplating a run in the Forbidden Forest as Padfoot when he heard his friend behind him.

"This is still about your being in love with James isn't it?"

&*&*&

A/N: I haven't decided if this should have a happy end with James and Sirius together or if Sirius' love should be unrequited. What do you think?? Tell me in a review please =D


	5. The Clue

Title : The Clue, part 5 in the Discovery Series

Author: Egwene

Rating: PG

Pairing: Sirius and James, yes this is slash.

Genre: Angst

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his relatives, friends, lovers, professors, enemies…

Word count: 224

&*&*&

"Moony."

"Is it? You still think you are in love with James, don't you?"

"Yes, I do."

"But I thought we had solved that problem last year."

"Yes. No. I don't know. I'm a little confused right now. Does it freak you out? That I'm in love with a guy, I mean."

"No. It's weird. And I don't get it, why James?" Remus sounded a little irritated.

"I don't know. That's not something I can control." Sirius sighed. "It's not like I chose to be in love with him! It just happened."

"What has changed since we discussed it last year?"

"Hum." Sirius blushed. 

Remus looked puzzled at his friend. He had never seen him looked embarrassed before that day.

"Are you sexually attracted to him now?" No need to speak in long metaphors.

"Yes."

"Since when?"

"I don't know. The other I looked at him and all I could think was how much I found him beautiful and how I longed to kiss him. I could not detach my eyes from his lips."

"Okay. You're sure about this. That's not something you imagined, or a crush or-"

"No. And I don't know what to do with these feelings, you know. Because I can't tell him about it and I can't forget about it either."

"I'm not sure I can help you here, Padfoot."

&*&*&

A/N: Thanks a lot to all those who took time to review!! I helpt me fight depression when my internet access crashed this week end due to the new internet virus (hence the long delay).

I have not made my mind yet on the ending so you can still try to influence me either way ;-)

And you can also continue to tell me what you like in this and what you think I should improve. Thanks!


	6. The Dilemma

 Title: The Dilemma, part 6 in the Discovery Series

Author: Egwene

Rating: PG

Pairing: Sirius and James, yes this is slash.

Genre: Angst

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his relatives, friends, lovers, professors, enemies…

Word count: 199

&&&

So, he was in love with James. That could prove to be a problem.

But was it really love?

Maybe it was just a very close bond. James was his best friend.

That would be okay.

But he was just hiding his head in the sand there, wasn't he? Who was he kidding? He wanted to kiss the guy!

Curiously it was not the guy factor that disturbed him the most. He didn't want to be in love with his best friend. He didn't want to destroy the best thing in his life.

Unrequited love was such a bitch.

Maybe he should say something to James. There was always a tiny hope that…

But even if his love were requited, would he do anything about it?

What if they started a relationship and it failed apart within a few months? What if they ended in hating each other?

No, it had to be it, or nothing at all.

So, he was really in love with James.

And he decided he would never do anything about it.

He felt lighter than he had felt in days, since that fateful day of spring, his mind was at peace with his decision.

&&&

A/N: isn't angst the best?? 

Thanks to **Harry's Lost Twin**, **Karliya Malfoy** (yes, the virus was the one that infected computers without going through email), **Snuffles2** and **Luci Shadow** who took time to review (did you just try to put the imperius curse on me?? You know I am the kind of person to do the opposite of what you want just to be annoying...hehehe).

For the ending, I'm considering writing both versions of it because I really want to have an angsty ending and you guys all want fluff (which I like very much too), would that be okay?


	7. The Conversation

Title: The Conversation, part 7 in the Discovery Series

Author: Egwene

Rating: PG

Pairing: Sirius and James, yes this is slash.

Genre: Angst

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his relatives, friends, lovers, professors, enemies…

Word count: 190

&&&

Sirius stared at his best friend, careful not to show his anguish.

And it proved to be a very difficult task for him, especially considering the fact that he had been listening to James for the last hour complaining on his not having someone to love.

It was hard enough to be in love with James and to know he couldn't do anything about it. It was hard to see him happy with a girlfriend. But it was definitely even harder to listen to him explaining how much he wanted someone in his life, someone he could care for, someone he would be pleased to wake up to.

Sirius wanted to shout how much he loved him, how much he wanted to hold him and how he would be here for him all his life, but he could not utter a word. James did not return his feelings. What was the point in creating a very awkward situation? His friendship was the most important thing in his life. He would not jeopardize it. Not ever.

Maybe he could convince Lily to go out with James. He seemed to like her.

&&&

A/N: thanks to **Harry's Lost Twin**, **Rachellous**, and **Luci Shadow** who took time to review. (Aren't wands forbidden in the review area?? Maybe I should report you… but then your reviewed so that's a good point for you, besides if you like torturing your favourite characters, we have that in common =D )

I know I've talked a lot about the end, but it isn't happening soon. I'm really enjoying this and as long as someone takes time to review and say they enjoy it too, I plan to keep going ;-)


	8. The Friend

Title: The Friend, part 8 in the Discovery Series

Author: Egwene

Rating: PG

Pairing: Sirius and James, yes this is slash.

Genre: Angst

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his relatives, friends, lovers, professors, enemies…

Word count: 169

&&&

"Wait a minute. Let me get this straight. You are in love with James, who is your best friend, and has absolutely no idea on how you feel about him, and you want my help to set him up with Lily Evans, who hates his guts even more than Snape?"

"See, I knew you were the smart one!" Sirius smirked.

"Make I ask why?"

"Because I care about him. He's lonely. I want to help."

"Have you ever considered telling him you're in love with him?"

"Yes, I have."

"And?"

"No, I won't tell him, Moony."

"Why?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Enlighten me."

"If he doesn't return my feelings, this is going to create a gap between us. He'll never that casual around me again." Sirius sighed. "Please, be sympathetic."

"Hey, I'm trying. It's still hard to believe you're in love with the guy."

Sirius pouted.

"Okay, okay. I'll help. Just don't do the beaten-puppy-look on me." Remus sighed. "Why do I always get dragged into you schemes?"

&&&

**Harry's Lost Twin**: Thanks!

**Luci Shadow**: Yes, you are a good girl. Want a cookie? I make delicious cookies.

**Karliya Malfoy**: Yes, I know, I'm evil... as for James and Lily, you'll have to wait and see. I have it all planned... now you're frightened, aren't you? Well, you should be! You know, I love fluffy stories too, but I seemed to be stuck with angst for now ;-)


	9. The Mistake

Title: The Mistake, part 9 in the Discovery Series

Author: Egwene

Rating: PG

Pairing: Sirius and James, yes this is slash.

Genre: Angst

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his relatives, friends, lovers, professors, enemies…

Word count: 196

&&&

Sirius was pacing back and forth in the seventh year dorm. He had screwed up. Big time.

James was furious and he was not talking to him.

But he had only wanted to help.

He had been very persuasive and had talked Lily into going with him to Hogsmeade. Remus had distracted James and brought him to the rendezvous point.

When they had discovered the scheme, Lily had laughed and James had yelled.

He had stormed out of the place, saying he could very well find a girlfriend on his own and he didn't need his help – or his friendship for that matter.

Sirius didn't understand James; he knew his friend liked Lily. Why had he refused his help?

It had already been a week and James was still not talking to him.

Each time Sirius asked to talk about it, James found a pretext to avoid him, like Quidditch, Head Boy duties, school work.

Sirius was beginning to worry. He had not told James about his feelings because he didn't want to lose his friendship. He could never have believed he could lose it playing matchmakers.

After a week, he already missed his best friend.

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**Harry's Lost Twin**: I hope this isn't what you expected... hey, what's the point, if I don't get to surprise you a little? Sirius and the famous beaten puppy look, ah yes, he does look sweet, doesn't he?

**Karlya Malfoy**: Glad to have you frightened!! eg This is going to be 20 chapters long or so, so I still have more evil twists up my sleeve...

**Luci Shadow**: How could you think that I would corrupt you into reviewing?? Me?? Chocolate chips or Walnuts for the cookies? innocent look Funny how many people see Sirius with that look... sigh he _is_ so cute when he wants... Hum.

For those (few) who wants to leave a review in French, don't hesitate! I get all happy and mushy when I recieve reviews... =D


	10. Drifting Apart

Title: Drifting Apart, part 10 in the Discovery Series

Author: Egwene

Rating: PG

Pairing: Sirius and James, yes this is slash.

Genre: Angst

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his relatives, friends, lovers, professors, enemies…

Word count: 167

&&&

"So?"

"What?"

"What happened?"

Well… we talked."

"And? Don't be so difficult Padfoot!"

"He's not mad at me anymore. He said he didn't want me to interfere in his love life even if I did mean well. I apologized. Again. He said we were okay."

"Did he tell you why he wouldn't go out with Lily?"

"No. He said I could not set him up with every girl he had a crush on at some point."

"But he was scribing her initials all over his papers in fifth year."

"That's what I said. And he said he got over her soon enough."

"That seems reasonable."

"I don't know."

"Did he mention someone else?"

"He didn't. I asked. He refused to answer."

"Do you think he has someone in mind? Someone he wouldn't talk to you about?"

"I don't think so. But that's hard to tell."

"Wouldn't he tell you? You're his best friend!"

"He used to tell me. But these days it feels like we're drifting apart."

&&&

**Harry's Lost Twin**: Here you are, I hope you'll enjoy it.

**Reese Craven**: You'll have to wait for the last chapter to see if they end up together or not... eg Thanks for the review.

**Karliya Malfoy**: You don't think I will tell you, do you? Lol! Suspence is good.

**Hsg9**: Thanks!

**Diabla666**: Thanks! Check out my profile, I add a link to the SxJ group.

**Luci Shadow**: Where are you? I've lost you... Oh no...!


	11. Missed

Title: Missed, part 11 in the Discovery Series

Author: Egwene

Rating: PG

Pairing: Sirius and James, yes this is slash.

Genre: Angst

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his relatives, friends, lovers, professors, enemies…

Word count: 154

&&&

Sirius was sitting on the grass not far form the Quidditch field. He was watching the Gryffindor team practice. More precisely, he was watching James. His best friend was so at ease on a broom, he seemed so free up in the air.

Sirius used to love watching James play Quidditch, his friend was just so addicted to the sport, after a game he used to spend the night telling him again about every move, every goal he had marked.

But now things were different. James was still his best friend of course. But they didn't talk as much as they did the year before, they didn't play so many pranks. Maybe James was still angry about the date with Lily. Sirius hadn't understood why this had upset him so much, but their friendship was stained. Undoubtedly. Easiness had been replaced by discomfort.

Sirius let out a sob. He wanted his best friend back.

&&&

**Karliya Malfoy**: Of course suspense is good! And you love it too, otherwise we would know who the other father is in "Figuring it out". Hehehe.

**Rin**: Sirius is my fav character too, you know. But before this ends, he still has to suffer a little =D

**Harry's Lost Twin**: Thanks! I hope you're still enjoying it.

**Spatula**: Thanks for the review.


	12. Difficulties

Title: Difficulties, part 12 in the Discovery Series

Author: Egwene

Rating: PG

Pairing: Sirius and James, yes this is slash.

Genre: Angst

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his relatives, friends, lovers, professors, enemies…

Word count: 237

&&&

Sirius was angry with James. He had refused to play a prank on the Ravenclaws at breakfast and insisted they went to the library to find books on a rare and difficult charm he was trying to achieve. Of course, Sirius had complied, like always.

It seemed that he was always the one to make concessions. Most of the time these days, they ended up doing what James had planned and not what he wanted. At first he hadn't noticed. Then, he had brushed it away; it didn't matter as long as he could spend time with his best friend.

Every second he spent with James hurt because of how he felt. But he cherished every one of them. It had been so hard to breathe without him for a whole week. He didn't want to repeat the experience.

The problem was, he was ready to do things he didn't like so he could be with James but James always refused to do things he hadn't planned to spend time to Sirius. When Sirius proposed something James didn't like, his friend never tried to make the effort and most of the time Sirius just went by himself.

Sirius went along with it because he had no choice. He refused to tell James about it. He was afraid he would look selfish and stupid.

Things were definitely much simpler before he fell in love with his best friend.

&&&

A/N: Thanks a lot to **Harry's Lost Twin**, **Jacki**, **Aquagreen**, who took time to review. You guys are just great!

For those who wondered about the chapter length, read the summary: these are drabbles!! The chapter length is something I did on purpose.

**AkumA9**: blushes I really changed your view on SxJ? Wow! Thanks!

**Prongs**: Thanks so much!!! I will post this on the list when it's finished.

**Luci Shadow**: I love you =D I totally agree with you on the exam problem (a recurrent problem if I may add). Thanks for the support. I'm not joking about the cookies, who knows, maybe you're living next door to me ;-)

**Karliya Malfoy**: I'm glad you see things my way now… the suspense won't last though.

**Rin**: I'm in denial too… that's why I only write Marauders' Era fics! Are you trying to convince me to write a happy end? I won't tell you if it's working, though. The last chapter is already written ;-)

**Pointy-Eared-Archer** : Thanks ! Of course Sirius is the best character in HP! Who could doubt that ? (And no, I'm absolutely not obsessed with him…)


	13. Injured

Title: Injured, part 13 in the Discovery Series

Author: Egwene

Rating: PG

Pairing: Sirius and James, yes this is slash.

Genre: Angst

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his relatives, friends, lovers, professors, enemies…

Word count: 209

&&&

Sirius sighed again as he tried to stand up, only to fall back onto the bed in pain.

He was acutely reminded of the day before. Late for McGonagall's lesson – again. A stupid fall in the stairs. A sprained ankle and no time to drop by the Hospital Wing.

At the end of the day he had been embarrassed and too proud to ask for help. Not a good combination.

The day before he had only guessed how nice it would be to have James as his boyfriend, but now he knew just how much caring and compassionate the other boy would be.

The distance that had separated them since James' failed date with Lily had been quickly mended when James had guessed how hurt Sirius really was. He had stayed with him all day, easing his pains, letting him lean on his shoulder, carrying his books, helping him go to class and back to the tower. He even had stayed with him when Peter and Remus had gone to see the Quidditch match of the day (Slytherin vs Ravenclaw) so he would not be bored.

Sirius sighed again at the though of what he could never have, but he was still happy to have his best friend back.

&&&

A/N: thanks to **Kurogane** and **Spatula** for their kind support.

**Pointy-Eared-Archer**: Oh! Thanks! I'm so glad you find this realistic, that was just what I was trying to achieve, because there are too many fics out there where the characters are a bit too perfect, if you see what I mean, and a bit too in love at first sight.

**Rin**: You're trying emotional blackmail with me?? incredulous stare hum… let me see… that's not working! Hehehe evil grin You'll find out soon enough how this ends.

**Karliya Malfoy**: Thanks! I'm trying to put some of my experiences into Sirius' character, so that everybody can relate more to his feelings, even if of course I'm a girl and a muggle… =D

**Luci Shadow**: Oh! I saw you waving! waves back I could send you the cookies by owl, but the chocolate chips might get intercepted and stolen by an anonymous choloholic… Still love you! On the ending, I won't spoil it now, let's just say that everything can happen till the last chapter…


	14. Concerned

Title: Concerned, part 14 in the Discovery Series

Author: Egwene

Rating: PG

Pairing: Sirius and James, yes this is slash.

Genre: Angst

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his relatives, friends, lovers, professors, enemies…

Word count: 229

&&&

James was concerned about him. Sirius could tell as much. Before he sprained his ankle, he had though his best friend was still angry with him. They barely talked.

Now, James didn't spend a day without asking what was wrong. Sirius was a lot less talkative than he used to be and James had finally noticed something was amiss with his friend. Sirius was pleased to see he still did matter in James' eyes but he was at a loss about what he could tell him.

The unrequited love thing was beginning to be difficult to bear alone. Of course, Remus helped, a little, as much as he could really. But that was not enough. Added to the fact that he was more and more in love with James each day, his life had soon become a living nightmare.

Having James fussing over him was heaven and hell at the same time. It was nice to feel cared for but it reminded him too painfully of heat he wanted and could never have. James was always trying to see if he ate enough, if he slept well; he wanted to talk about what was tormenting Sirius but he never pushed; he tried to distract him when he was feeling sad, and he knew when to just be there because Sirius needed him.

The perfect boyfriend. Only he wasn't his.

&&&

**Rin**: Oh! I'm glad to have you addicted!! No, emotional blackmail doesn't work for me... sorry, but I'm a master at it =D To know more about the ending, you'll just have to keep reading ;-)

**Karliya Malfoy**: Yes, anxious is definitely how I feel about your story. Don't worry, you won't have to wait _too_ long to see the outcome of this...

**Pointed-Eared-Archer**: Well, James can't be a prat in every chapter, can he? But maybe it's easier on Sirius when he _is_ a prat...hehehe

**Luci Shadow**: 'Angst Goddess' ? -happy squeak- I'm so flattered!! Yes, I do have some evil twist in store for Sirius, don't worry. I was about to post a 'Less Angst' warning for the last chapter but I thought it was a bit presumptuous... maybe I should have, Lol! I hope this is angsty enough for you...


	15. A Different Piece of Advice

Title: A Different Piece of Advice, part 15 in the Discovery Series

Author: Egwene

Rating: PG

Pairing: Sirius and James, yes this is slash.

Genre: Angst

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his relatives, friends, lovers, professors, enemies…

Word count: 197

&&&

"You should tell him how you feel."

"Have you suddenly lost all your wits, Moony?" Sirius asked, having trouble not to yell in the quiet Gryffindor common room.

"No, I haven't." Remus sighed. "Padfoot, James knows something is wrong with you. How long do you think you have before he figures it all out?"

Sirius looked at him worriedly.

"Exactly." Remus paused to emphasize his point. "Not long. And I'm sure you want to be the one telling him, explaining him."

"But Remus, what it he doesn't feel the same and acts all awkward with me afterwards?"

"What if he feels the same?"

"Do you know something I don't?"

"No. I'm just asking a question, a question you have been avoiding."

"I don't want my hopes up. I don't want to be disappointed."

"I understand, Sirius, but trust me, this is going to be much weirder if James finds out by himself or if someone else tells him."

"Someone else? I thought you had promised to keep the secret."

"Calm down. I didn't tell anybody; but what if he overhears one of our discussions?"

"Okay, okay, I get your point. I'm going to tell him."

"When?"

"Soon."

&&&

**Rin**: Yes, you have figured me out quite well... I'm Evil!! As far as Sirius is concerned anyway.

**Karliya Malfoy**: Okay, I have to admit it, the reason I refuse to tell anybody how this is gonna end, is because James ends up with Lily... Just kiddin' =P I just think this is more fun. Hehehe I frightened you, didn't I?

**Prongs**: Thanks!

**Luci Shadow**: I'm glad I'm still able to surprise you. Hum. This chapter has a 'Less Angst' warning too but the last ones will make up for it, don't worry. -Evil Grin-

**Harry's Lost Twin**: That's okay. Holidays are great. Wish I could do the same. Bloody exams!


	16. Christmas

Title: Christmas, part 16 in the Discovery Series

Author: Egwene

Rating: PG

Pairing: Sirius and James, yes this is slash.

Genre: Angst

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his relatives, friends, lovers, professors, enemies…

Word count: 190

&&&

That was it. The last Christmas they would spend at Hogwarts.

Sirius couldn't help but feel nostalgic.

They had almost finished their time at school. So many memories echoed in the halls, good memories, bad memories, seven years of their lives.

He was going to miss it, sharing a dormitory with James, Remus and Peter, playing pranks and even the damned lessons. Sure they would see each other afterwards, at least once a month for the full moon, but it wouldn't feel the same.

He had suggested they all spent the holidays at Hogwarts, enjoying being together, having snow fights in Hogsmeade, just cherishing those last memories.

The next holiday would be spent studying for NEWTs, so it was their last chance to just have fun.

Once they left Hogwarts they would find jobs, found families, have whole new lives.

Change was a good thing, but it didn't mean that he had to enjoy it or that he could stop being frightened by it.

He had not told James how he felt yet, and he knew that if he didn't tell him before the year was over, he never would.

&&&

**Prongs**: Did I say they were going to end up together? Only 4 more chapters to go =D

**Rin**: Oh, but you're right to be worried about Siri. Although I won't hurt him, physically at least -eg- I don't want you to have nightmares about this...

**Luci Shadow**: Oh you can pout all you want. If you think I'm gonna fall for that one...! You'll just have to read the next chapies =D

**Harry's Lost Twin**: Thanks! Last update before my exam...

**Cutieak88:** Thank you! Updates are only twice a week. I don't want to kill the suspence...

**Karliya Malfoy**: Oh... you did end the suspence in your story. Maybe I should yield and tell you how this is gonna end. Or maybe not. Hehehe. Don't hex the writer! Or maybe I should mention Lily a bit more...


	17. A third Party

Title: A Third Party, part 17 in the Discovery Series

Author: Egwene

Rating: PG

Pairing: Sirius and James, yes this is slash.

Genre: Angst

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his relatives, friends, lovers, professors, enemies…

Word count: 218

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"You're going to lose him before you even tried, Sirius."

"I know, Moony, I know. I just don't know what I can do about it."

Remus sighed in despair. "Just. Tell. Him. How. You. Feel."

"It's not that simple."

"Yes it is. C'mon Sirius, we have already discussed this."

"I know," Sirius replied somewhat sheepishly. "I'm glad you're my friend, Remus, you've been very helpful."

"Then follow the advice I give you."

"But what about that person he's dating?"

"Hey! We don't even know if that's serious. He hasn't even told us who it is."

"I know, but they're going to Hogsmeade together tomorrow. And James looks so happy. He was positively glowing when he told me he was with someone."

"I know. I was there too."

"I don't want to make him sad."

"You won't, Sirius. You're his best friend. Don't worry about that."

Sirius looked at his shoes and remained silent.

"You're going to regret it later if you don't say anything. I can guarantee you that."

"But what if he's in love with that new, surely extraordinary person he's dating, and whom he won't tell us about?"

"Then you'll be heartbroken, but it's better to know than to be wallowing in despair wondering about it, isn't it?"

"I guess."

"This is the right decision, Sirius."

&&&

**Rin**: Yes, you're quite right. Begging won't do the trick. Although I really enjoy seeing you try !

**Karliya Malfoy**: hehehe, the suspence is growing... but there are so few chapters left... and what have we here? My god, a bit of a plot! Isn't it great?

**Kaori7395:** Yes, chapter 16 was a bit sad. But that's how I feel about leaving college and all my friends at the end of the year.

**Luci Shadow**: Three more to go... who could James be dating?? -eg-

**Prongs**: Thanks!

**Harry's Lost Twin**: Well, the exam didn't go so well, but since you are such wonderful reviewers, I updated anyway =D

**Rising Star**: I didn't know I could be cute in an angsty way. Cool. I'm flattered. I hope you'll like what's next.


	18. Jealousy

Title: Jealousy, part 18 in the Discovery Series

Author: Egwene

Rating: PG

Pairing: Sirius and James, yes this is slash.

Genre: Angst

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his relatives, friends, lovers, professors, enemies…

Word count: 234

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After having paced all afternoon in the Shack, sitting actually felt good to Sirius. He had chosen that place to think about James and his new love, because he would not be disturbed and he could make as much noise as he wanted. He had even lashed out his frustration on the furniture earlier. He would repair it later, or Remus would.

He could not believe how things had gotten out of hands so quickly. Only last week he had learned that James had a new secret girlfriend. He had tried to spy on them when they had gone to Hogsmeade, but he never found them. Later that day, James had come back smiling stupidly.

When they had some time alone to talk, his best friend had confessed to Sirius that he was in love. Or at least he thought he was. That revelation had stroke him painfully in the heart.

In one second he had lost all chances to even win James' heart.

The funny part – in a sarcastic sense – was that he didn't even know who James was in love with. He had refused to tell him, saying it was new and fragile and they didn't want everyone to know just now.

Sirius had replied he was his best friend, and James had answered he would be the first to know.

The bitter taste in his mouth was what jealousy felt like.

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**Rin**: I think it's my turn to beg now. Please, don't kill me. Don't kill me or you'll never know how this ends!!

**Luci Shadow**: Everything is possible till the last chapter. It might be Lily and it could also be someone else. You don't actually think I would tell you? =D

**RisingStar**: Thanks. You know, it hurts me as much as you to see Sirius and James not together!

**Spatula**: Thanks!

**Harry's Lost Twin**: Oh, no! I don't want to kill you. I need you to review the last chapters!

**Icriedwhensiriusdied**: Thanks! I don't know if I'll write a sequel yet. Maybe. I already have begun two SxJ stories and one SxR I have to finish though.


	19. The Decision

Title: The Decision, part 19 in the Discovery Series

Author: Egwene

Rating: PG

Pairing: Sirius and James, yes this is slash.

Genre: Angst

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his relatives, friends, lovers, professors, enemies…

Word count: 202

&&&

Sirius had made his mind. He was going to tell James how he felt that night, after dinner.

He had to tell him before James got even more serious with that mysterious girlfriend. Plus it would stop him from going crazy and that surely was a good point, wasn't it?

He had spent the whole day in the Shrieking Shack thinking, but it had been worth it, and he felt more at peace than he had felt in months. No more lies, no more obfuscation. The truth. It was frightening, but it was also exciting.

He only hoped James would be sensitive. He knew his friend was kind and gentle but he wasn't too sure about how he was going to react when his best friend told him he had been in love with him for the past year.

Even if James didn't love him back, Sirius was happy, as there would be no more secret between them.

His bounce back, he ran down the stairs to the Great Hall. When he reached the Gryffindor table, he smiled at James and asked him to walk with him after dinner so they could talk. He ignored Remus' surprised look and enjoyed his meal.

&&&

**Rin**: If you felt jealous, imagine how Sirius must have felt... I can't wait to see you review the last chapter, the only thing I can tell you is Sirius won't kill himself. That helped, right?

**Spatula**: Thanks! I hope I didn't drag out the story for -too- long.

**Harry's Lost Twin**: Thanks! I hope you'll be reviewing my future SxJ stories too!

**Luci Shadow:** I wouldn't spoil the end for you... anyway, the last chapter will be posted on Sunday, if my DSL connexion agrees with me.


	20. The Result

Title: The Result, part 20 in the Discovery Series

Author: Egwene

Rating: PG

Pairing: Sirius and James, yes this is slash.

Genre: Angst

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his relatives, friends, lovers, professors, enemies…

Word count: 240

&&&

Sirius was tossing and turning in his bed while sleep continued to elude him.

James was in love with Lily. He had asked her to marry him, and she had said yes.

Sirius had prepared himself to such an eventuality but in the end, it didn't matter, he was still heartbroken.

James and Lily had been secretly dating for the last three months. He had confessed as much while they were walking near the lake. They had preferred to keep their relationship a secret so they would learn to know each other without the pressure of school gossip.

After all, everyone still expected the Head Boy and the Head Girl to date each other.

Sirius had remained silent while listening to James apologize for not telling him sooner. He had wanted to tell him but he wanted to be sure of what he felt before he did. But at last, he had found it, True Love.

He was still amazed she had agreed to marry him the previous weekend, and Sirius still remained silent.

When James had asked him what he thought about it all, all he had been able to voice was 'I'm happy for you, James.' And he was. Really.

He would burry his feelings deep in his heart, and his best friend would never know about them.

He would stick with him, and witness his happiness; he would be his best man at his wedding, of course.

&&&

**Rin**: I don't know if I'm supposed to apologize or to hide in a dark corner so you won't kill me.

**Luci Shadow**: My DSL line still doesn't work, but I've managed to work something out. I tried to post it earlier, just for you, but I was late to go to a party…

**Harry's Lost Twin**: -blushes- I'm glad you like my stories. I'm kinda sad this one is over. Or is it?

**Spatula**: I hope you're not disappointed… what? I should have put Sirius and James together! I would never have though of that! -eg-

**Prongs**: Thanks!

**LuciusJames Lover**: So were you right to be worried? I'm sorry to hear you're not too fond of angst. I hope you enjoyed the story though.

**Snuffles2**: Oh, that wasn't a bad cliffie, just a little bit of angst, which isn't very surprising. Just wait till I put a REAL cliffhanger in one story… I had to write that sad ending, I hope you understand.


	21. The Result version B

Title: The Result – version B, part 20 in the Discovery Series

Author: Egwene

Rating: PG

Pairing: Sirius and James, yes this is slash.

Genre: Angst

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his relatives, friends, lovers, professors, enemies…

A/N: I decided when I was writing chapter 5 or so, that I wanted an ansgty, cannon end to go with this story, but I also quickly realised that I wanted to see Sirius happy (feeling familiar?), so I wrote the two endings. I posted the sad one before because I felt it fitted better into the story, and I wanted to make you wait a little -eg- This version is my best version at fluff up to date.

Tell me what version you like the best =D

Word count: 261

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Sirius was tossing and turning in his bed while sleep continued to elude him.

James was in love with him. The goofy smile he had been wearing on his face all evening reappeared. James was in love with him. Not with Lily or anyone else. With him.

He didn't know if he deserved to be so happy, but he couldn't care less.

When they had walked outside, near the lake, he had forgotten all about the prefect speech he had prepared earlier and he simply taken James' hand before deposing a chaste and brief kiss on his lips.

When he had pulled back, they had looked in each other's eyes for a long time before James had simply said 'I love you too, Sirius'.

The best moment in his life. The first of many to come.

They had walked in silence, hand in hand, back to the castle, to the Gryffindor common room where they had started – much to the astonishment and amusement of the other students – to snog properly on the couch.

After what had seemed to be long hours, Sirius had broken away to breathe and snuggle against his boyfriend. He had asked about the mysterious girlfriend and James had admitted shyly that it had been a devious plot – Remus' plot – to find out if Sirius was in love with him or not. Sirius had burst out laughing; he had promised himself he would thank Remus properly in the morning.

Life had never been so great. He sighed happily as sleep caught him to dream about a love shared.

&&&

Well... it's now definitely over... unless I get enough reviews to score one hundred (4 more to go) and the 100th reviewer get a surprise! I hate all those authors who beg for reviews, but I'm so desperate to have 100 reviews for this fic, I'll do anything ;-)


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